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Chen
090988
Cempaka/Trinity/RMIT
Melbourne
Down Under

Thursday, December 10, 2009

8:22 PM

Wow.

So half a year, it has been.
Today, a really good friend left for good. It really was bittersweet. On one hand, I'm happy to see her leave to find that awesome job she's looking for. That may potentially (finally) allow her to find happiness. I also hope she finds Mr Right. But on the other, well, let's just say I'm someone who appreciates the actual presence of people really special to me.

This friend, has a really big heart. And more importantly, I guess, is very genuine, which is a trait that is becoming increasingly hard to find in people these days. Her sincerity was always reflected in the many things she'd always do for people, in simple things like baking. And the many dinners she cooked for people, she never complained.

Ok whatever so you can tell my brain isn't really coordinating with my fingers because my sentences are just not coming out right. I feel like I don't even know how to string a sentence properly. But work tomorrow will be so different without you. Tomorrow is Friday, which is your usual day with the two of us. And Saturday...don't even mention. I'll definitely miss our chill out "pak wu ying" times on Sats and having genuine heart to heart conversations with you. And your caramelized onions with mushroom and avocado which you whip up for me everytime I say I'm hungry. And your avocado wrapped smoked salmon. And your deep fried chicken ribs..that you had to go to the market for, at 6ish in the morning just before coming to work. See what I mean by being genuine? A normal human being would actually quite like to sleep in and won't be stuffed about making the detour. And the many honey lemon drinks you automatically make everytime I mention "throat itchy/throat dry". And the many birthday cakes you baked with tender loving care for the past two years, I just realized you baked one last year and two this year (pandan and green tea).

The list goes on, Maisy. I know you're not dying (like you always say), but you know, leaving this place is bad enough. Looking forward to mid Jan and meanwhile, enjoy your time with Mum and life before making your millions.

By the way, the sky is still crying. It's about 9.05pm now, you should have touched down in the land of your second home already.

Congrats again on successfully completing your 5 years of undergrad and for never ever needing to study or write a paper ever again. Always knew you would make it through despite the many self-doubting times you've had.

Tonight could have been the usual movie night, finishing Time Travellers Wife because it's really bad weather outside now. :(

2 speakout(s):

See how far you've come! :)

By greg, at 10:52 PM

eh friend, was feeling nostalgic today and went back to read some of our old blog entries. miss you lah, miss these days. honestly, see how far we've come - and tbh still feels like we're facing versions of the same thing. miss you, and bryan. can't wait to see you soon.

By greg, at 10:55 AM

comments, thank you.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

12:26 AM

I have this burning urge inside me to write about a lot of things...simple things, simple observations, things I've learned since my last entry. But 'writer's block' always hit me when I actually start typing away..and I just stare at the bloody screen for ages and give up.

So what have I learned from my last internship at Grand Mercure? Honestly, I just think I'm not cut out for a 9-5 job. I know, who is right..then again there are some people who can do 8am-1am. I don't think I have that kind of patience in me to sit there, 9-5pm working my ass off when it's not even my own company. I don't feel my hard work and dedication will be appreciated by the people highest in the company's hierarchy. What's the point of working your ass of when whatever you do, your salary is fixed and the harder you work, the shorter your life span and the more beneficial it is for your boss. Yes you do get chances of promotions and what not, but with promotions only come harder work and longer hours albeit a fatter pay cheque..unless you really reach the top of the hierarchy where you only sit there and order people around. But then again, I think all these negativity stems from the many rejection emails I've received from numerous companies I've applied to for my co op, which brings me to another issue.

I've swapped back into the 3 year degree instead of the 4 years where I had to go out into the industry to work for a year. I did for half a year (FREE LABOUR) and was suppose to find another one for this semester but thanks to the infamous GFC happening now, no one has taken up my offer for free labour even. How pathetic. Nonetheless, glad to have been given the permission to swap back to 3 years because that would mean I either finish half a year or one year earlier. Still waiting on news if I can transfer credits from my PSP last semester to make up for my final semester (which will allow me to finish this semester then).

But I think finishing this semester is a bit of a shock to the system. All these while, I've always been thinking...''ah I have one more year to go at least". Suddenly the possibility of finishing this year surfaced. I don't think I'm dying to get out there and start my corporate journey just yet (what more with this stupid economy and me hating to work for ppl!). So I guess I wouldn't mind another semester of uni and finish mid next year.

I'm not some brat who can't take shit from bosses (although yeah, sometimes I can't) and want to be sitting right up there on the hierarchy with all the other CEOs who've worked their asses off for the past 20,30 years in the industry, but I just don't feel it's worth it and fulfilling enough to work so bloody hard for a company you don't even own. At the end of the day, all your effort translates into profits for them. And what do you get? Nothing. And when another GFC hits, you may even risk losing your job.

Time to get back to books, assignments and classes after one semester of not doing all those. Must say it felt weird to be sitting in a lecture again this morning. Had possibly the best break ever having had Mt Buller, Lake Mountain, Phillip Island, Yarra Valley and Mansfield on the agenda.

Will hopefully give more thought on my plans post graduation. Still in the process of attempting to draft a plan..mentally. Finance ($$$) and coffee are on the list. Suggestions welcomed. :)

3 speakout(s):

GFC = Global Flavour Crisis? :P

By bryan, at 1:20 AM

lol bryan.
HEYY new entry, so cool.
sorry to hear about you and your bad luck with co ops- the gfc is bad for everyone.
what with so many of us graduating this year, we're all in the same boat la.
fingers crossed we'll get through this.

By greg, at 8:48 PM

hey, your blog er. is having issues. check out your background- i think you're going to need to rehost it.

By greg, at 11:07 AM

comments, thank you.

Monday, February 23, 2009

3:54 AM

It's that time of the year again. The time I dread most. Sigh.

But wtf, I've done this 1343028092840234 times.

Come to think of it, the past three months didn't exactly past very quickly, not very slowly either. Think it's more the fact that I feel I've done nothing in the three months I was back. Least I travelled a bit. Been somewhere I haven't been. Spent heaps of family time which at least is something I know I won't regret doing. Bottomline, I've bummed a lot and it's probably best that I un-bum myself soon before I forget what 1x3 is or 2+2 is.

I'll miss the usual. More importantly, Mum. And..maybe Dad too, if and when I miss having someone to nag me 7 days a week. Not very likely, I say.

Will be back on 'scrimp and save' mode soon.

On a side note, I hope to see more nephews and nieces popping out this year. :)

I'll miss you bloody KL, much as I hate the shitpolitics.

Fuck the post departure blues will be worse sigh.

Why haven't I toughen up and be used to this bloody 'leaving after 3 months' bullshit after having been through it like a zillion times. ARGHH.

2009 better be worth my while going back to Melboneee.

Ask me again in a year.

0 speakout(s):

comments, thank you.

Friday, February 13, 2009

3:16 AM

Like the sound of silence calling,

I hear your voice and suddenly I'm falling,

Lost in your voice,

Like the echoes of our souls are meeting,

You say those words, my heart stops beating.

I wonder what it means,

What could it be that comes over me?

At times I can't move,

At times I can hardly breathe.

When you say you love me,

The world goes still, so still inside and,

When you say you love me,

For a moment, there's no one else alive.

You're the one I've always thought of,

I don't know how, but I feel sheltered in your love,

You're where I belong.

And when you're with me if I close my eyes,

There are times I swear I feel like I can fly,

For a moment in time,

Somewhere between

The Heavens and Earth.

I'm frozen in time,

Oh, when you say those words.

And this journey that we're on,

How far we've come and I

Celebrate every moment.

And when you say you love me,

That's all you have to say.

I'll always feel this way.

So I know this isn't my work of art, and I'm not the most creative living person either, least this expresses me quite..well. And sometimes, you just gotta give credit where credit is due. I don't think I'm the mushiest person around but it feels good to do your man proud, let him know that his patience is your most valuable asset and acknowledge all the good (and sometimes inevitably the bad) that he has done for the better of the relationship. Because, acknowledgment is important.

That said, I hope your ego hasn't exploded. :)

Love you.

1 speakout(s):

KABOOOOOOOOOOMMMM! X.X

By Anonymous, at 4:58 AM

comments, thank you.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

10:06 PM

Has gone from high to low to lower to lowest to zero.

To be on the safe side, it should remain that way. I think.

It'd be so much easier without the expectations of others.

Dug my own grave.

Not one bit has changed.

Close to giving up.

Maybe I just need to get away from this.

Since working it out doesn't seem like an option.

1 speakout(s):

oh no i hope its not what i think it is O_O hope things get better soon (: hang in there; you're stronger than you think - dont give up (:

By Unknown, at 2:26 AM

comments, thank you.

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

8:14 PM

How does one deal with generation gaps?

Sometimes that is possibly the root of all evil.

Everyday I'm reminded of my reason to stay as far away from here as possible, my reason to want to build my career, settle down and do whatever else, anywhere but here. Reasons may be really simple stuff but it's the accumulation that matters and the thought of having to live with it for the rest of my life. I've been given ample time to reflect on the past year, the past few years, the current year. And sometimes I pause to the realization that I don't think I really know what I want yet. Safe to say, I'm still on this journey that's taking me to, hopefully, somewhere where I feel belonged, acknowledged, appreciated and accepted. I really hope it's human nature to want and appreciate acknowledgment and a sense of belonging and that it's not just me. And really I don't think it's that hard to appreciate someone, not just for their presence in your life but the impact they have made, bad or good. I've always wondered why Esteem was part of Maslow's hierarchy as a child. Many years later, especially at this point in time, I realize the importance of respect not just for others, but by others and not just people important to you, but people important to the person who's important to you. It's not a demand, and I probably wouldn't die without it but it just makes the whole functioning better. After all, it's not that hard to do. And it doesn't cost a cent.

Who's to say what's right and what's wrong? Not everything has to be in black and white. Flexibility is the key to many things. I'm not expecting the world at large to agree with everything I say because I know and I understand that opinions are precisely that, individualistic. But am I wrong to say it is important to give and take? And that it is only fair to give as much as you take, or better yet, if within your means and patience, to give more than you take? Again I don't know where this is taking me to. But I hope it will be for the better. I don't see a relationship as limited to just the parties involved regardless of age. Is it any wonder you don't feel the way I do? It is the culture that I've been brought up in that makes me see it differently. It's like broken pieces of a puzzle. Everything is laid out before you, before us, before everyone, nothing is missing, nothing is short, all that's needed is a bit of patience and time as with all other things.

Sometime it's so difficult just existing. How do you please two at the same time? How do you please another at your own expense? Or please yourself at the other's expense? I choose to take this in my stride and constantly reassure and remind myself that everything will work out fine if it's wanted badly enough. That may be so only if you're fighting for it with someone else. Being solo doesn't help all the time, especially if you're fighting for something that is shared.

The frustration is greater when problems obviously exist but yet it has been chosen to be ignored. Yes ignorance is bliss but not when you know the effects of ignoring ultimately falls upon yourself and not anyone else. Money can buy you anything but solutions to problems that requires your conscious decisions. Who doesn't know, it is so convenient to just brush it under the carpet? But keep questioning yourself, is it worth your while? Especially if you've lived more than half your life span? Sometimes I think the parental units are too nice to people outside of this household.

I've washed my hair wet and I'm in this on my own free will. I'm not ready to give up just yet because I know for a fact there's still lots ahead for you, for me, for us, for everyone and I know above all, you're still loved. That is one thing I haven't lost, for sure.

8 speakout(s):

(: you write really well, chen!!!
hope things get better for u & u find a way to, and resolve any problems or obstacles you're facing (:

By Unknown, at 4:01 AM

Hey Viv. Thanks. Had to get it out of ze system. :)
i'm still waiting to see you. I've seen your sister your brother in law but not you! :(

By nehc, at 9:29 PM

hey chen. nice post..
i guess family really is just family, at the end of the day. it's really heartening to see you trying to take it all in stride, and perseverance shines through regardless of the obstacles in place.
it'll all be worth it in the end.
right there with ya.

By greg, at 12:09 AM

hey chennnies
seems like everyones not too happy being back home ): family can be such a pain. i hope everything gets sorted out to a happier degree.. take care (:

By steph, at 4:34 AM

OMG OMG OMG !!!!! I feel the same way too. I'm so not happy back home. i don't know why but i just feel the to be annoyed.....sigh......

By Anonymous, at 5:37 AM

OMG OMG OMG !!!!! I feel the same way too. I'm so not happy back home. i don't know why but i just feel the to be annoyed.....sigh......

By Anonymous, at 5:42 AM

looks like we're all in the same boat.

By Anonymous, at 8:39 PM

It's a bit scary how all of us are feeling sort of similar. Hope things are looking up for you guys as it is for me. :)

By nehc, at 3:48 AM

comments, thank you.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

8:34 PM

It's hard to see the point.

I'm ready to go.

Sigh.

0 speakout(s):

comments, thank you.